Put DOWN the weapon!

Humans by nature seem to see us cats as a bit odd, aloof, maybe even pretentious, but this is just not so. We enjoy living life on the edge to the point of seeing just how far those 9 lives can stretch. The term I think that I have been called most is "crazy cat" with a slight head shake and a wry smile.

You see being low to the ground and the ability to sneak in and around my humans lair I should have my name changed to secret keeper, or master informant. Witnessing their lives from mistress's first bike (and bruises that fallowed shortly after) to the first time that she ran away from home. Through out so much chaos I was there, curled up tightly at the end of her bed waiting for her to get home.

Of course this was only to sleek away to show her my disgust for her lack of attention. When really I missed and loved her and was happy to be home with her again.

This now was many years ago, she has grown up and lead the American life, got married, had a baby, got divorced, was in a committed relationship (that I was forced to live with some hairball named Sophie for years that was too lazy to even play with me), had another baby and moved into a new home. Life got pretty bad during these years when her chronic pain took a turn for the worse and ended up in a world full of drug addiction, prostitution, street life and utter devastation of losing everything that mattered (including me to her parents home for awhile). But we will get into all of this later.

After she spent 6 months in jail, had a bit of a ruff time coming out, finally started to get her life back on track. And there I was curled at the end of her bed waiting. Although this time I was so happy to have her home I stayed and let her pet me until I purred with satisfaction. I was truly happy again, even if I only did have one of her children to chase and run from full time as the other was sent far away to live with her father.

Time went by, and although it was very hard and the emotional roller coaster that she was on almost landed me completely bald from petting sessions. The poor thing was searching for an answer, a reasoning, a way to endure the hell that she had put herself through. Seemingly alone in this battle, persisting ever forward and only glancing back only when the temptation was too great to see.

While time marched on, she was drug along with it, floating on the surface longing to be happy. Once again she connected with another man, this one a bit different then the last. He did not yell at her, or make her feel incompetent or worthless. Treated the son with genuine love and attention that the child so deserved. And when I bit into him he didn't taste quite as salty as the last few (although his dogs needed to know once and for all that I was the boss).

Only a few months into this adventure mistress found herself expecting another child (and I'm the one who is suicidal?). Now neither of them have a job, very little money, allot of love but is that really going to be enough?

The pain, the fears, constant nagging of her emotions and what I see. This is my diary, my confessions, my life. I am Suicidal Kitty.